How I Write Short Emails

Ah, the sweet satisfaction of crafting an email so succinct, so economical, that it leaves your recipients gaping in awe at your newfound brevity. I, in my infinite wisdom and generosity, shall now regale you with the myriad methods I employed to achieve this feat of linguistic acrobatics. Pay heed, you poor souls who have long struggled with the quagmire of verbose emails, for I shall illuminate the path to enlightenment.

First and foremost, one must cultivate a disciplined mind. I have subjected myself to rigorous mental exercises, akin to those endured by Buddhist monks in their quest for enlightenment. Through meditation and focused breathing, I have honed my cognitive abilities to the point where I can effortlessly discern the essential from the superfluous. This newfound clarity allows me to slice through the fat of unnecessary words, leaving only the lean, mean, email-writing machine that I am today.

Physical preparation is also key to email concision. I have adopted a strict regimen of exercise and proper nutrition, ensuring that my body is a well-oiled machine. A brisk morning jog, followed by a hearty breakfast of free-range eggs and organic kale, sets the stage for a day of crisp, efficient communication. I have even gone so far as to abstain from certain immoral behaviors, such as excessive alcohol consumption and the viewing of cat videos on the internet, in order to preserve my mental faculties for the task at hand.

The choice of tools is also paramount in the pursuit of brevity. I have invested in a high-quality, ergonomic keyboard, designed to minimize finger strain and maximize typing speed. My computer is a sleek, powerful machine, capable of processing my thoughts into pixels at a blistering pace. I have even gone so far as to customize my email client, stripping away all unnecessary frills and distractions, leaving only a blank canvas upon which I can paint my masterpieces of concision.

Sleep, that most underrated of human activities, has also played a crucial role in my transformation. I have trained myself to sleep deeply and efficiently, my mind and body repairing themselves for the challenges of the day ahead. I have even gone so far as to invest in a high-quality mattress, one that cradles my body like a newborn babe, allowing me to drift off into a state of deep, restorative slumber. Upon waking, my mind is sharp, my thoughts crystal clear, ready to be distilled into the purest essence of email communication.

But perhaps the most important factor in my quest for brevity is my unshakable belief in my own superiority. I know, deep down, that my thoughts are worth more than the sum of their parts, and that I have a duty to share them with the world in the most efficient manner possible. This arrogance, this unwavering faith in my own abilities, has become the cornerstone of my email-writing philosophy. I no longer feel the need to pad my messages with unnecessary fluff or to explain myself to those who may not understand the depths of my genius.

And so, dear reader, I leave you with this final piece of advice: embrace your own superiority, and let it guide you on the path to email enlightenment. Cultivate a disciplined mind, prepare your body for the task at hand, and surround yourself with the tools and trappings of efficiency. And most importantly, never doubt your own abilities, for it is only through the unshakable belief in oneself that true brevity can be achieved. Now go forth, and craft emails that will leave your recipients breathless with admiration, secure in the knowledge that you have been blessed with the wisdom and the tools to cut through the clutter and speak the truth in all its glorious concision.